It never fails. When stuff seems to be going really good, something always comes up to put me right back where I seem to belong. I’ve gotten lots of good news lately. Good job changes, moved into a great new apartment, and about to celebrate 5 years sober when I turn 32. I wake up this morning to get thrown something from left field. I can’t say it wasn’t fully expected. I always knew this particular part of my life would reach a precipice one day. Unfortunately, it hit a bit harder than I expected.
A while back, November more precisely, I decided to take an exit from Facebook. This was a decision as a result of quite a bit going on in my family and in the world as a whole. Facebook became an overwhelming negative in my life. One that took its toll on me. I can’t say it was anyone elses fault, because my perceptions of events are my own and I let a lot get to me. I am human. However, I decided to remove that aspect of my life to hopefully better myself.
I can’t believe I find myself writing about Carrie Fisher again. Especially so long after her death and cremation. Unfortunately so many things seem to come to light once someone is gone. In this case it was heartbreaking and difficult to swallow. as you may have already heard, Carrie’s autopsy and toxicology report became public record. It showed she had a cocktail mix of cocaine, heroine, and ecstasy in her system at the time of her death. This will unfortunately tarnish her work to some people, especially the media who will allow her lifes work advocating for mental illness education and recovery from addiction. It has already begun. Most networks are only reporting on her toxicology report and not really mentioning the work she did while she was alive to bring transparency to mental illness and also recovery from addiction.
When I first went sober I began drinking coffee. I always liked the smell of it but never enjoyed the taste. That was until I needed to replace the alcohol with something. Caffeine has been my upper for the last nearly 5 years. Coffee, Hi-Balls, 5-Hours, caffeine pills, crazy amount of soft drinks. Every single day. My body was having trouble functioning without it. I’ve recently began realizing it wasn’t a much better replacement to the alcohol. It controlled my life and my moods.
Last week was a bittersweet one for me. I went on very quick road trip with Richie to handle some business in Texas, where I was born. Although we were there on business, we took some time to try and visit some places from my childhood in Dallas, and some touristy things for Richie. It was bittersweet because on our way we stopped in a little town named Sulphur Springs, population 15,000, and every bit of the stereotypical Texas that people commonly see the state as. Although I know both sides of Texas; the major metropolitan city of Dallas that is progressive, and then the very ‘red’ rural side.