When I first went sober I began drinking coffee. I always liked the smell of it but never enjoyed the taste. That was until I needed to replace the alcohol with something. Caffeine has been my upper for the last nearly 5 years. Coffee, Hi-Balls, 5-Hours, caffeine pills, crazy amount of soft drinks. Every single day. My body was having trouble functioning without it. I’ve recently began realizing it wasn’t a much better replacement to the alcohol. It controlled my life and my moods.
Money management hasn’t always been my strong suit. In fact, I have spent a scary amount of money on the most frivolous thing. At one time my habit was spending countless amounts of money on iTunes for every song I thought I ever wanted. It has transitioned to one thing after another over the years, but I never really understood why I couldn’t kick the habit like all the other adults in my life. I felt immature and careless. I wanted to be better about my money, but couldn’t ever seem to find a way.
For a few months now I have been living in a mental state of uncertainty. So many things change so quickly. I like change, but not so much on drastic changes. For a while now a major move was hanging out in the back of my head. My partner has been toying around with the idea of moving for a job, like many times before in the last four years. This time it will end up being the longest move we have ever made. One I am not very happy about and am feeling an overwhelming amount uncertainty about my future and all the what-ifs.