I DON'T FIT IN
This may sound very “woe is me,” but hear me out on this one.
It is definitely no secret that I am gay, Christian, and a recovering alcoholic. Those are just a few of them many things that make me who I am today. But, do you see the problems I may run into by being any three of those, much less all of them?
I am routinely discriminated against because of the things that make me Ronnie. Again, don’t mistake this for a pity party, because I am proud of all the things that make me who I am.
I am looked down on because of my alcoholism. Commonly being referred to as being a weak minded person who isn’t as good as others who know when to put the bottle down.
I am called all kinds of names because of my sexuality. Faggot, queer, sissy, pansy, etc. I stand strong in my sexuality and don’t refer to it as a preference because that makes it sound like a choice. I was born the way I am and am very proud of who I am, and who I love, and the man I am married to. I am also well aware of who made me this way, my God. Which leads me to the next thing.
“Faggot, queer, sissy, pansy…”
I am Christian, and this is by far one of the most difficult struggles I deal with on a daily basis. I am routinely shunned by some Christians who say I am less than deserving of life and am a disgusting human for my sexual orientation. But, the most difficult part of being a Christian is the backlash I receive from a large portion of the gay community. One of the largest communities of people fighting for this so called equality. I am often told I am self-loathing and homophobic, embarrassed of who I am and my orientation, and one of the most laughable, by far, is that I am a closeted straight person masquerading as a gay person. Do you see the hypocrisy in this?
By far, the last one is the most hurtful. A group I am part of, by birth (the gay community), is the most discriminatory towards me. A group that fights for an end to discrimination is guilty of its own arguments. If you so much as breath an alternative view (I laughed at that too), you are not a bonafide card holding member of this elite club anymore. You are nothing more than the people who oppress them. And to clear one thing up, it’s not everyone, because not everyone in a community acts or thinks the same way. I have met several accepting people who are gay that don’t agree with some of my choices or beliefs, but understand the simple concept of tolerance, which is the buzzword for the equal rights movement.
“A group I am part of, by birth (the gay community), is the most discriminatory towards me.”
Being who I am makes it to where I really don’t fit in with any group. Isn’t it funny how we all fight to be a part of something, but are so easily willing to push others out at the slightest hint of disagreement? I am proud of all of who I am and every bit of it. Because you don’t agree with someone, it doesn’t make your opinion anymore correct, or theirs. Why cant we actually work towards true equality and tolerance? Let people be who they are, ALL of who they are! You don’t have to agree or like what someone else believes in, but you also don’t have to be guilty of exactly what you fight against.
I don’t care that I don’t fit in with huge groups of people. I am who I am and I have a good set of friends who stand at my side, even though they may not agree with everything I say, do, or am. That is what I see as equality. Different people from different walks of life being a part of each others lives.
You can only fight for what you already do, else your fight is invalid.