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 In Anger, Bipolar Disorder, Frustration, Immaturity, Narcissism, Offensive, Regret, Restraint, Stress

Today I was faced with dealing with someone who causes much stress in my life. Unneeded, unwarranted, and straining stress. This person, from everything I gather, has lived a sheltered life and lacks maturity for real world situations and the consequences of their actions. I can’t fully blame them for this because it is a direct result of said sheltered life. Because of this person’s seeming lack of real world experience they come across narcissistic and condescending to others around them. They are frequently on the offensive towards everyone around them. This interaction today resulted in this person offending pretty much everyone they are involved with everyday, especially me.

We are all faced with people like this on a daily basis. The difference between me and most other people is that I always feel the need to get my point across. I think not just for them to understand, but to fully explain the situation and stance for myself. I keep digging in, regardless of how disinterested and completely oblivious the other people are to the point of view I have or how factual I feel my point of view is.

I have struggled with this for as long as I can remember. I don’t know if it is a result of me being bipolar or what. I’ve done it with relatives… friends… coworkers… Everyone, at some point or another.

The really frustrating part is that I feel myself getting to that point when I am saying, texting, explaining what I have to say. Even so, I still keep going. I don’t stop. Not knowing when to stop is a huge problem of mine. The biggest feeling I am left with after each exchange is that I have either embarrassed myself, which is often the case, or how could I have worded it differently to really get my point across and make them understand.

Like the person I dealt with today, I end up feeling frustrated, angry, offended at the end. Without fail. I tend to dislike myself afterwards. Not because of their reaction to me, but towards myself for failing myself once again. For allowing myself to get consumed by anger and frustration and to once again dilute my point of view because I just kept talking and digging in.

It ends up in nights like tonight where my mind is racing with so many variables; from how could I have worded it better to why did I say anything at all. Obviously, by my blog, it’s easy to tell I let the strangest, and sometimes most minute things, get to me. Today was a day like that. I’m kicking myself for allowing myself to go overboard again and for allowing myself to be so changed by something, and someone, who shouldn’t matter in the least bit. This person, like all the others, don’t change my path. I try to keep reminding myself o that simple fact every time. I wish it worked though.