Principle IV: Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, God, and to someone I trust.
Looking at ourselves can be one of the scariest things ever, in recovery or not. To be fully self-aware, you are opening yourself up to a life of recovery. I struggle with this still. I have the underlying need to deny who I am, what I have done in my past, and how it brought me to this point in my life. I am actively working on it though. Examining myself through prayer and meditation I have come closer to knowing myself truly. It’s been tough, and sobering, no pun intended.
For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.
Trusting others can be just as tough. We must find someone to confide in though. By allowing yourself to trust someone that you can talk to about your life is one of the most important and freeing things. Although I am very open, and working towards better disclosure with myself and others, as well as writing my entire life on the internet, I still have things I am afraid to talk about, even with those closest to me. I have turned my trusted “person” into an audience with the public. It doesn’t work for everyone, but does for me.
As well as finding that outlet to trust, I have also worked to place my trust in God. Confessing, verbalizing, all of my lifes transgressions to Him has been freeing as well. Repenting, talking through, and finding solution, has been amazing for my recovery. Allowing my self to let the things in my mind go from me has emptied up space to put more positive things.
Bottling everything up is detrimental to recovery. Let it go, and let God handle it for you. “If he can hold the world, he can hold this moment.” – Jason Gray