Over the past few months, I have noticed a pattern in my life. Things seem to be getting more and more negative. I have had trouble getting my points across without offending people. I have been making increasingly worse decisions in my life. And an overall feeling of discontent and loss of happiness.
Some are outside influences, and some are my own. But I have to take responsibility for my own feelings and decisions. I can’t help but think it’s my ever-increasing distance I have unconsciously been putting between me and my faith. It has definitely not been a priority, and I feel my life is suffering because of it.
I go through these moments from time to time, but I’ve never felt this so far detached and so withdrawn from myself or my faith. And it is starting to really show and really affect my life in whole.
Recently things are affecting my mood swings much more than they usually do. I can’t say I don’t have everyday issues with outside influences on my moods, but none so much as recently. I have felt strains on my relationships with family, friends, and colleagues. Which is the opposite of what I want, for people to like and respect me as a person.
So, it seems to have gotten into a tail swing with a few really recent issues I’ve been having with my professional life. It’s like this black hole of “can’t win for losing” type things. I try and recover situations, but just make them worse and worse. An overall sense of not belonging has come over me in that realm of my life because of it.
And in turn, influences and affects my life as a whole…
I recently wrote about taking a step back. What I didn’t take into consideration was what I was going to when I took the step back. I took a half step back from the world but didn’t plan it out and now I find myself here; lost.
Now as I sit here with the latest let down, set back, disappointing news, I find myself wondering if my faith has anything to with it. What has changed? What have I been doing differently, or not doing, that could be affecting my life so much?
Faith. Spirituality. The first relationship.
I haven’t been focusing on my faith as much lately, if at all really. I haven’t read the Bible in months. I haven’t prayed in a very long time. I have taken a moment to meditate on my faith and closeness to God. I have been so consumed with trying to be further my career, improve relationships with family and friends, and work on making myself a better person overall. All of this without faith.
None of this would be possible without faith in God. And I can’t help but think my lack of prioritizing Him at the top has weighed heavily on the situations in my life.
I have thought all day about how life seemed to be “easier,” or at least easier to manage, and how much forward progress and success I was making when I made sure faith was at the forefront of all of my decisions and daily activities. It has been quite the opposite as of late.
So, in an effort to try and get back to where I was I have made plans to recenter my life around my faith and let everything else fall in behind that.
In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.
Proverbs 3:6 (NIV)
As part of this recentering, I am taking a social media detox. I am detaching myself from the world of opinions and angst and anger and pride. I want to make sure I focus on my faith and me, so I can regain what I once had; happiness and success.
I want to be better. I want to do better. I want to be happy. I want to be successful. I want to be the Ronnie I know I can be.
When you’re tired and your head is down
Take a breath, just let it out
Look to Jesus
Say your prayers and let them soar
Fall on your knees and be restored
Look to Jesus
Look to Jesus, Samuel Lane